i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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