Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
someone owes me an orgasm
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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