I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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