so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He has the fingertips of a God
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