I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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