By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
