Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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