Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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