So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize