You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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