If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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