she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
