Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
