i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
