bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
