ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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