i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
