we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
