My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
