In the future we'll all be gay
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
