And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
