I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
