is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was confusing and full of hummus
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
