Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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