can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
