How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
