you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
