Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
