I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
