I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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