just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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