I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
