Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
