There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
