so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
soo... how was my night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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