My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
