I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
