I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
