Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
