yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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