my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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