I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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