there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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