Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
