eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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