this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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