So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize
