College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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