You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
