apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
