i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
