no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize