saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
