If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
