we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
