This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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