Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
