Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
