please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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