3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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