I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize