don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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