i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
