even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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