oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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