saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize