I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
