Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
