Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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