you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sex in a hospital.. check
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
