I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize