she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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