I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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