i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
