So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
