I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
