okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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