I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
