I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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