Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
