that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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