Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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