I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
